Passion Perfect

badtyler

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Part 16] [Part 17] [Part 18] [Part 19] [Part 20]

Emma watched Matthew juggling with the soccer ball for five whole minutes before getting bored.  It had been vaguely entertaining at first, watching him stop the ball from touching the ground, but it was getting old.  "I thought you wanted to play," she said at last.

"Just watch, I'm really good at this," he replied, concentrating hard on the ball.

Emma sighed.  Boys, she thought to herself.  "I know, but you could do that by yourself.  I might have to go home soon."

Eventually Matthew decided that the prospect of a playmate was more enticing than performing for an audience.  "Okay, you be keeper," he said.  He pulled off his jacket and his sweater and bundled them on the ground as makeshift goal posts.  The two children spent a contented half hour or so practicing penalty kicks, most of which Emma managed to save.

"You should join a team," Matthew said in awe.  "You're really good."

Emma blushed and grinned bashfully.  "I think I was just lucky," she said.

Matthew shook his head.  "Nuh uh.  My aunt Selina says there's no such thing as luck.  Hey, you want to rest for minute?"

Emma nodded and laid down in the grass with her chin resting on her hands, watching the four adults talking.  Matthew collected the ball and threw himself down beside her, breathing hard and sweating a little.

"How come your aunts don't look alike?" Emma asked after a few minutes.  "Aren't they sisters?"

Matthew laughed.  "No," he said, shaking his head.  "They're girlfriends."

Emma turned to face him, eyes wide with curiosity.  "Girlfriends?"

Matthew nodded.  "Yeah...you know, two girls who're like BFFs."

"Oh," Emma replied, her face clearing.  "Like mommy and Natalia!"

Matthew shrugged.  "I guess.  It's different though.  Aunt Selina and aunt Rosie live together, and they don't have boyfriends like my mom does."

Emma frowned.  "Well...we used to live together," she said doubtfully.  "And mommy hasn't had a boyfriend in a while.  Natalia was supposed to marry uncle Frank, but she decided she didn't want to."

Matthew stretched out on his side, resting his head on his hand.  "Do your mom and Natalia hold hands and hug and junk?"

Emma glanced over at her mom who, at that very moment, had her arm round Natalia's shoulders.  "Yeah, they do," she said.  Matthew nodded.

"Yeah, they're probably girlfriends then," he said matter-of-factly.  Emma's face lit up.

"That means we can all live together again, and it'll be like before!" she said excitedly.

Matthew shrugged again.  "I guess so," he said.  "You want me to be the keeper this time?"

Emma nodded.  "Yeah, okay."

Natalia glanced over at Emma and Matthew for the fifth time in as many minutes, frowning slightly.

"Would you relax?" Olivia said, tugging on their still joined hands.  "She's just playing."

Natalia's cheek's coloured a little and she ducked her head.  "I know," she said.  "But you know what she's like.  She just wanders off sometimes.  And there's poison ivy, and mosquitos, and bats, and-"

Olivia hushed her with a gentle finger pressed against her lips.  "Are you done?"  There was a thread of laughter running through her voice, her eyes were bright, the evening sun was making her hair shine in a quite enchanting way, and Natalia was sure she'd never been more beautiful.  She swallowed, resisting the urge to press a kiss against Olivia's finger.  That would be a very bad idea.  Like she wasn't already sending the mother of all mixed signals.

"Yeah," she managed to croak, then coughed.  "I'm done."

Olivia smiled, and let her finger trail slowly from Natalia's lips to her jaw.  "Good," she said softly, then turned to Selina who was watching them with a grin on her face.  "So...you said you and Natalia went to school together, right?"

Selina glanced at Natalia whose eyes had widened.  Honestly, what did she think she was going to say?  Yes, Natalia and I were best friends, who slept in the same bed at sleepovers and hugged at every opportunity and once kissed at a party, but we don't talk about that.  Yeah, that would go down well.

"We sure did," she said.  "We were always in competition to see who'd be top of Mrs Pullman's math class."

Natalia seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, and Selina smirked.  Olivia turned to Natalia with a smile.  "You never told me you were good at math," she said.

"Probably because the ability to do calculus and algebra hasn't really been relevant in my life so far," she said, laughing.  "Although being able to quickly work out whether it's cheaper to use cloth diapers or disposables, or which brand of peanut butter gives you the most calories per cent - that did come in handy."  She smiled a small, self deprecating smile.

"I'll have to use that when my students ask me what the point of studying arithmetic is," Rosie said.  She pulled open a cooler that was sitting at her feet and offered Natalia a bottle.  "Do you like beer?" she asked.  "I've got water or soda as well."

"Beer's fine."  She took the proffered bottle and snapped the cap open.  "You're a teacher?"

"Fifth grade," Rosie replied.  "Matthew's in my class."  She nodded over at her nephew.  "Which he doesn't much like, as you can imagine."

"He about died of embarrassment one time when he accidentally called her Aunt Rosie instead of Ms Stone," Selina said, taking a sip of her own beer before opening another bottle for Olivia.

"Is he Caroline's son?" Natalia asked, glancing over at the boy who seemed to be losing whatever game they were playing.

"Mmm hmm."  Selina nodded.  "He spends quite a bit of time with us though," she added.  "Caroline is just as flaky as ever.  Matthew's got a new daddy every other month."

Olivia flinched a little.  Although, to be fair, she'd never quite been that bad.  "Well, it's good he has some stability with you guys then," she said.

"That's the idea."  Selina stood and clapped her hands together.  "Right, who wants to help me with the dead cow?  Natalia?"

"Do you have to call it dead cow?"  Natalia looked a little queasy at the thought.

"You know me, 'Talia, I calls it like I sees it," she replied, dragging Natalia from her seat.  "Now come on."

Once the dead cow - or burgers, as Natalia insisted Selina call them in her presence - were sizzling away over the charcoal, Selina glanced at her friend with a slightly hesitant smile.  "So, about yesterday," she began, but Natalia waved her off.

"It's okay," she said.  "You...you were probably right."

Selina flipped one of the burgers.  "Probably right as in...what, exactly?" she asked, one eyebrow arching into her hairline.

Natalia suddenly seemed to find the ground very interesting.  She ground down into the dust with her heel and shrugged.  "You know," she said.

Selina shook her head.  "Nuh uh," she said.  "I'm not falling for that one.  You have to say it - I'm not saying it for you."

Natalia pursed her lips.  "God, you're annoying."

"I pride myself on it."

A pair of frustrated brown eyes rolling exaggeratedly was her response, but she kept her mouth firmly shut.  "Fine," Natalia said at last.  "You were right.  I think I might be...I mean, I'm probably..."

"Yeeeeees?"

"Gay, okay?  I'm probably gay.  Happy?"

Selina scoffed.  "Well, that is what gay means," she said.

"Oh, shut up," Natalia muttered, covering her face with her hands.

Selina relented.  "Natalia...it really doesn't matter whether I'm happy about it," she said.  "What matters is how you feel about it."

Natalia spread her fingers a little so she could peek out at her friend from behind her hands.  "I have no idea how I feel about it," she admitted.  "Being in love is one thing.  I could rationalise that, I could say to myself that it was pure and holy and that it didn't matter that the person I loved was in a woman's body because it was all about the soul."  She dropped her hands, grimacing and laughing at herself at the same time.  "But apparently I'm more interested in the body than I thought I was."

Selina glanced over her shoulder to where Olivia and Rosie were chatting over beer and chips.  "Yeah, I can see why," she said.

"God, you're impossible," Natalia muttered.

"Oh come on, Natalia, what do you want me to say?  I'm a cynical bitch, remember?"

Natalia shook her head.  "No, actually, I don't remember that."

"Yeah, well, I was trying to impress you back then," was the reply.  Selina looked up from the burgers and sighed.  "All right, all right...I'm sorry, okay?  I just don't see why realising that you really enjoy having sex with someone you're in love with is such a big crisis for you."

Natalia closed her eyes and shook her head.  "It just felt...I don't know.  I thought it would be different.  I thought I wouldn't feel so...oh, forget it.  You wouldn't understand."  She turned as if to walk away, but Selina's hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Hey," she said seriously.  "Come on, don't go.  You can talk to me.  I promise I'll keep the sarcastic commentary to a minimum."

Natalia hesitated, then turned back to her friend, biting her lip.  "Okay," she breathed.  "Fine.  But please don't make fun of me."

Selina held up her hand. "Pinky promise," she said.  Natalia blushed, but offered her own pinky to shake, just like they'd done when they were kids.

"You know I've been with men before," she began slowly.  Selina nodded.  "First Nicky, when we were young.  And then I met him again a few years ago, and we got married.  And that should have been perfect, right?  It should have been everything I ever wanted.  I thought it was.  But every time we made love I just felt...I don't know.  Wrong.  Like I was doing something wrong."  She paused, wiping away a few stray tears.  "He didn't really love me," she whispered.  "Not the way he loved his first wife, anyway.  And I suppose I thought that's why it never felt quite right.  Why it never felt beautiful, like it's supposed to."

"Natalia..."  Selina moved forward, grasping Natalia's hand and squeezing gently.  There was a pained expression on her face.

"I'm okay," Natalia said, shaking her head.  "I think...I think I need to get this out, okay?  I've never said this to anyone before."

Selina nodded.  "All right..."

"And then," Natalia went on.  "And then there was Frank.  And what a monumental mistake that was.  I mean, we're talking epic here.  I was just...using him to run away from feelings I didn't understand.  And it was awful.  Worse than with Nicky.  I mean, I didn't just feel empty I felt dirty."

Selina bit her lip, a caustic comment about Catholic guilt straining to be allowed out of her mouth.  "I'm sorry," was all she said, with an effort.  Natalia smiled, sadly.

"I thought it would be different with her," she explained.  "Because I love her so much, and she loves me and we work.  We just fit together so well, and we complement each other, and she...don't laugh."

"I won't."  Selina held up her pinky to remind her of the promise.  Natalia closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

"She completes me," she said at last, with a sigh.  "And I thought...I thought that would make it okay.  That it would be beautiful, for the first time, because it was with her."

Selina squeezed Natalia's hand, her brow knitting together in a frown.  "And it wasn't," she said.  Natalia shook her head.

"It wasn't," she agreed.  "And I don't know why..."

Silence stretched between them, with the sizzling of the burgers in the background, mingling with the hum of Rosie and Olivia's conversation and the boisterous laughter of the children's play.  "Natalia," Selina began, but Natalia shook her off, a sad smile on her face.

"It's okay," she said.  "This is something I have to figure out for myself, I think."  With that she backed away and returned to Olivia's side.

"Hey," Olivia greeted her with a warm, beautiful smile.  "You're done with the dead cow?"

Natalia nodded and sat down next to her, moulding herself to her side as Olivia's arm slipped round her shoulders.  "Yup," she said shortly.  Olivia squeezed her a little closer.

"Hey, are you all right?" she said.  Natalia turned to her with a small smile on her face.

"How is it you always know exactly what I'm feeling?" she asked.  Olivia smiled hesitantly.

"Do you really need to ask me that?" she said.  Natalia shook her head, and impulsively leaned closer to place a soft kiss on her cheek.

"No," she admitted.  "Not really."  Selina appeared back at the table with a large plate of slightly burnt burgers.  "Hey," Natalia said, as Selina called the kids over.

"Yeah?"  Olivia's eyes were shining a little.

"When we're done here," Natalia said.  "Can you take me to church?  I think I'd like to go to evening mass."

TBC...

For anyone who missed the casting of the original characters (a couple of people have asked):

This is Rosie

This is Selina

And this is the lovely Josephine.