change the sheets & then change me (uselessmarks) wrote in passion_perfect,
change the sheets & then change me
uselessmarks
passion_perfect

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Hardly Ever [PG]

Title - Hardly Ever
Fandom - Guiding Light
Pairing - Natalia/Olivia, mentions of Natalia/Frank
Warnings and/or Spoilers - No spoilers. ANGST!!! <--had to have it. A 'what if...?'.
Summary - Natalia lives a hollow life. One-shot
Rating - PG






What was once always is now hardly ever. And every day another piece of Natalia's heart falls away, disappearing into the darkness of a life never lived.

She made her bed, laying down with God and his sacraments, with his commands and his wishes.
She walked down the aisle, surrounded by good people. She said words to a good man, her eyes weeping tears of hopeless despair.

There was a brief moment when she thought about running away, thought about her feet carrying her back home. There was a second, when her eyes met Olivia's, that she clearly saw all that she would be throwing away.
And it punctured her body like a balloon, leaving her lifeless and flat.

I'm not that strong and I'm not that brave. I won't survive.

She made her bed, pledging her life to Frank and then losing all that made her life worth anything.
She gave over everything to God and had to give up an earthly heaven in Olivia's arms.

And what was once always is now hardly ever.
They see each other at work, but it never the same. Olivia never looks her way, doesn't say her name too much and sets the files down quickly then walks away.
There is raise after raise, as if to apologize and it makes Natalia die on the inside.

Frank kisses her and touches her. And she keeps on lying, dreading the moment he realizes just how much of this marriage is a ruse. He takes her to bed and her mind strays so frequently, going to a place where a caress comes with female hands.
Natalia must bite her lips hard in order to block Olivia's name from coasting out.

Day after day, following God's plan and yet abusing God's gift, breaking her own heart over and over and over.
Tags: guiding light
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