storm_8 (storm_8) wrote in passion_perfect,

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I should be happy, shouldn’t I?

This is one of the first fics i ever wrote.

Comments are always appreciated.

I see you sitting there, in the corner of the restaurant. Rain falls outside but neither you nor I notice. I’m too immersed in watching you in that corner. I have been here for nearly an hour... I watched you walk in, in that graceful way you always walk, your hair falling in waves behind your back, eyes smiling, while you look around the not so new territory, searching for him.
Yes, I admit it! I have been watching you, from far away, every step you take, every look you give him when you’re together in this restaurant. However, you never seem to notice, as I sit here day by day in an also dark corner, intently observing the two of you. I can’t seem to remember his name, although you did introduce us once. He is your boyfriend and I’m your best friend.
I should be happy, shouldn’t I? Your friendship is more than anything I could wish for, but still I want more... I sometimes ask myself why I fell in love with you in the first place. Me, of all people in the world, falling in love! The more I think about it, the less it makes sense. You’re a very smart person and good looking, not like one of those super models, but for me you’re beauty in its most pure and natural way.
Was it your eyes that captured my heart? Was it your smile? Your personality? I don’t know anymore... Maybe it was every single detail of you, including your imperfections...
You’ve been in this restaurant for about half an hour and you seem to be getting nervous. What is it that could be disturbing you? I know you’re waiting for him, so that the two of you can spend what little free time you have together.
I do get jealous. Seeing as he holds your heart in his hands and you hold his. Or so you think. Lately, though, I noticed he has become distant, not being the same around you. Sometimes he doesn’t even pay attention to what you are saying. Maybe that’s why you have been becoming restless and uneasy. What is he doing to you?
Every time he comes through the restaurant’s door, everything in you lights up. Your eyes glow brighter, your smile widens... And this happens again and again, almost every day, in the same corner of the same restaurant.
Sitting there for hours, you lose yourselves in each other’s gaze. Any excuse is a good one, for one hand to brush another, to whisper a quiet “I love you” that no one can hear. Hours go by like this, the same happiness and the same sadness.
You’re staring intently at the door now, as if you were trying to burn it to ashes. One hour has passed and still no sign of him. Where could he be? I’m starting to wonder... and becoming worried too. If he doesn’t come through the door, what’s going to happen? What will it mean?
I look up at you one more time and am startled to see the look in your eyes. Defeat, sadness, anger and acceptance. You gave up. Just like that. You gave up waiting for him, you knew he wasn’t coming. You knew it from the very moment you stepped in the restaurant, walking to the table in the same dark corner.
Suddenly, you look up and your eyes meet mine. You caught me staring. For once, you noticed I was here, in the same place you always were. I whisper a “Hey”, while you smile back. It’s a sad smile, but also relieved. I wonder why...
Maybe I should tell you what I feel, but I’m afraid of what you’ll say or do. I should just be happy, to be able to see your smile, that brightens my day, to hear your soft voice, that has become music to my ears, to have your friendship, where I can’t have love...
I should be happy, shouldn’t I?

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