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GL Fic: Salvation: Olivia and Natalia: Chapter 6

Title: Salvation
Author: Carly Carter
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia and Natalia
Rating: PG for now
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything
Summary: You hate yourself because you can’t save Olivia. But you hate her more, because she won’t let you.
AN: We don’t get GL in Australia so I apologise for any inconsistencies in characters or storyline etc. I’ve altered some things to suit my plot. May be a little dark for some people’s tastes but I hope you enjoy. Set sometime after Frank and Natalia’s engagement, but before the wedding. A big thank you to everyone who has read and left comments :) Hope you enjoy.


Chapter 1&2 http://carlyisnot.livejournal.com/10231.html 
Chapter 3 & 4  http://carlyisnot.livejournal.com/11952.html
Chapter 5   http://carlyisnot.livejournal.com/12063.html

   

Chapter 6

Olivia

 

“Death is not the greatest of evils, it is worse to want to die and not be able to.” Sophocles

 

 

You sit, in the dark, with nothing to fill the lonely hours. Except remembering.  Pieces of the past week come back to haunt you. You find yourself watching back over scenes of your life as if you were a spectator.  Watching yourself as you watched Natalia.

 

~

Once again, Natalia hadn’t realised you were watching her.  It wasn’t a conversation that was meant for your ears. You should have turned and walked away, but it was irresistible. You had just arrived home, but it wasn’t like you were deliberately sneaking around.  You weren’t even being very quiet.  You slammed the door to your car, running up the drive, into the kitchen. You know you had been looking for her, because her name was on the tip of your tongue, even though you hadn’t a chance to utter it aloud before you realised you were interrupting something in the living room. You‘d been crying. Your throat was tight, your eyes puffy. Why?  You couldn’t remember. Why were you seeking her so desperately? You couldn’t remember that either. Only that you had been carrying something that you needed to tell her, badly.

 

The two of them had been so engrossed in their conversation that they hadn’t heard you approach. You stopped still in your tracks when you realised she was not alone. Your heart sank in your chest when you realised it was Frank. You should have turned around and walked away. You could not.

 

“Natalia, I just don’t understand.” Frank exclaimed.

 

“I’m sorry, please believe me. I never meant to hurt you Frank.” She took a step back from him. Shame covered her face. She looked sorry, genuinely sorry. You wanted to hold her.

 

“We can take things slower.” He stepped towards her patronisingly. How you hated watching him so close to her. ‘It will be ok, you’ve just got cold feet.”

 

“There is someone else.” She blurted out just as his hand was about to reach for her face. You could tell she hadn’t meant to say it. In her desperation, under so much pressure, it had just slipped out. You could tell she regretted it. She seemed almost shocked by the words, as if she hadn’t even known that she herself was thinking them.

 

Even Frank looked shocked initially. And you thought to yourself-- Someone else? Someone else who? You lived with Natalia, you would know if there was ‘someone else’. But one look at her told you she wasn’t lying just to deter Frank. She just wasn’t capable of pulling off a deception like that so convincingly. She meant it. She didn’t love Frank, she loved someone else.

 

 Finally Frank nodded, having figured it out before you could. He enlightened you by speaking it aloud. “Gus?” He ventured. “You’re not over Gus? Natalia, that’s ok. You need more time. I’ll wait.”

 

“No. Frank, NO.” She answered him forcefully. You loved seeing her so passionate, so sure of herself. Gone was the woman you had considered to be little more than a doormat. Here stood a woman of fire and conviction and confidence. You were proud of her.   “There is no use waiting. I will never be over it. My heart belongs to someone else, it is never going to be yours….”

 

You hadn’t meant to interrupt them.  You wondered later if Natalia ever would

have disentangled herself from Frank that night without your intervention.  How long would he have stood there declaring his intention to wait, happy to compete with a ghost for Natalia’s affections? You would never know, because you had dropped your keys to the floor, and  they both spun around instantly, glaring at you as you stood in the doorway.

 

Along with the keys that fell through your fingers, you felt the weight of that thing you had been carrying around and holding so tightly instantly disappear.  The reason you had been seeking her so desperately, the thing you needed to tell her, you felt it disintegrate right there in your hands and slip through your fingers.  Suddenly, it didn’t matter anymore.

Natalia looked almost grateful you had interrupted. Frank looked resentful.

 

 “Please, Just go.” She said to him meekly.

 

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He told her as he picked up his jacket.

 

She shook her head but didn’t bother protesting aloud. He leaned forward to kiss her and she pulled away. He turned to you then. And if looks could kill you would have been dead on the spot. You returned his icy stare, refusing to let him intimidate you. You had come to think of him as the enemy. Childishly and much like Emma, it was easy to blame Frank for stealing Natalia  away, destroying your home. And yet you felt an eerie connection with him and his sad, unrequited love for Natalia in that moment.

 

Dark silence had fallen after Frank departed. You wanted to run but you felt as if your feet were nailed to the floor. Natalia must have felt the same, she didn’t move a muscle. She didn’t speak. Neither did you. What could you say? Gus?  Still in love with Gus? So much so that she ruined her chances with Frank? You shook your head trying to make sense of it.

 

Natalia couldn’t look you in the eye. It took you a minute to understand why. A minute to remember that you were the one who took Gus from her. You were the villain in her story.

 

It cost Gus everything to keep you alive

 

Guilt crushed you so heavily you found it hard to breathe.  But a different kind of guilt to before. Before you had felt guilt for the fact Gus was dead and you had survived. You felt bad he had been coming to find you that day of the accident. You hated yourself for praying so hard for a heart and not caring about where it came from. All of that you had somehow made peace with.

 

It cost me everything

 

This guilt is different. This guilt is all about her. Guilt because you stole something from her. Guilt because you look at the pain in her eyes and realise you caused it. You’d never seen things that way before. But now that you knew her, depended on her, couldn’t imagine your life without her. Now, it meant something different  to know that you had been the one to take everything from her. 

 

You owed me, Gus didn’t

 

That thing you thought she owed to you, she paid you. She paid with everything she had. And now? Now it was you who owed her everything. She saved your life, you knew assuredly that you wouldn’t have survived without her. She had given you back your will to live, your hope. Given you more than you ever dreamed of. Now it was you who owed her a debt that you could never repay.

 

There was nothing you could do, not even in a thousand lifetimes, to make your life worth so much that it justified the fact that you were here, and Gus was not.

 

You wondered briefly what Natalia must think when she looked at you. Does she see Gus? His legacy living on in that heart? Does she see the woman who took everything from her? Then you realised it didn’t matter, she didn’t look at you anymore. She couldn’t bring herself to. The sight of you made her sick.

 

 

~

 

You pull forcefully on the ropes binding your hands behind your back. It only causes them to restrict you tighter, increasing your frustration. How long had you been here? How many days had you sat here pathetically, letting him call all the shots? Meekly accepting your fate? It was something she would do, not you.  You’re not going to let him get away with this.

 

You scream and yell for the first time since you had uttered her name days ago and he laughed in your face. Finally, when your throat is raw from screaming and you have no more breath to continue, he enters. Triumphantly. He is holding all the cards, and he is loving it.

 

He smiles at you, the way he always does. It’s extremely unnerving. He is smiling, but his eyes are cold, and pass over you disdainfully. It is written all over his face the things he thinks about you. That you’re unworthy to even breathe the same air as he does. And you wonder, not for the first time, why he doesn’t just kill you and get it over with?

 

“Eat something.” He tells you, and his voice almost sounds caring.

 

He bought food with him, as he did every day. You never ate it. You refused to. It was probably poisoned. You told yourself that it was your way of defying him, that it somehow made you stronger. He wanted you to eat, and therefore you would not. But sometimes you wondered if the truth was that you just couldn’t be bothered to eat. It was easier if you just faded away, a little bit each day. It wouldn’t really be your fault then, it wouldn’t really be giving up. But the bigger truth is that you feel totally sick to your stomach as you think back over the past weeks. Eating is the last thing you feel like.

 

He holds the spoon to your lips, as if you were a child. You turn your head defiantly, refusing to let him degrade you any further.

 

“Untie my hands.” You demand. It’s the first time you’ve spoken to him, the first time you’ve asked anything of him. You hadn’t even asked him where you were, what he was planning. All your energy had been focused elsewhere.

 

He seems pleased that you are interacting with him, and swiftly casts a look over his shoulder to the door locked behind him, to your feet which are still bound. He then pulls his knife, and gently cuts the ropes from around your wrists. He smiles as he hands you the bowl and spoon, and sits opposite you, watching.

 

You take it and eat, not because you want to, but because you know you need to buy time, build your strength.

 

“Why are you doing this to me?” You ask him.

 

“Doing what to you?” He responds. And when you don’t answer he continues. “I haven’t done anything to you. Olivia, as usual, you’ve inflicted this misery upon yourself with no help from anyone.  Everything I’ve done is for your own good.”

 

You have no answer for him. Because you don’t really remember the things that happened. Your head is swimming in confusion. So much so that his words almost make sense to you, despite the fact that you know he has imprisoned you, tied you up, kept you from your daughter.  Somehow it seems true that he is innocent, that you are the guilty party. That this prison is one of your own making and the only one who can find the way out is you.

 

He continues on “In fact Olivia, I saved your life.”

 

You shrug. You don’t remember, You don’t believe him. And it’s not like your life is worth very much right now.

  

“You want me to thank you for it?” You ask him in disbelief.

 

“I expect more than thanks.” He tells you finally. “You owe me.”

 

This time it is you who laughs. Does he not know how little your life is worth? Does he not know how many people you already owe insurmountable debts to? What is it he thinks you have left to pay him with?

 

 

 

 

 

 

    


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