Author’s note: Well since you all seem to have Birthdays around the same days, you’re all going to kill me, ;]. But I have to say it is always fun for me to write and I find that it is a pleasure to write birthday fic, because it lasts so much longer then virtual gifts. I just hope you like it. But anyway Happy Birthday carlyisnot. I hope you have a happy and fantastic day.
Summary: Emily finds someone she hasn’t seen in 11 years. A different world from Criminal Minds as we know it, besides Emily/JJ being together I have changed a bit to fit the story but it is all in good fun so please don’t hate or sue me for it I own none of the characters, show, etc.
Disclaimer: Not mine, the song and characters belong to someone else. But you all can thank carlyisnot for the inspiration and for being born on May 3. Oh and major angst, as requested so I hope you all can handle it. ;] Oh and self beta, again b-day fic so I will try to do daily updates.
Emily looked out at the countryside, she loved driving because it gave her time to think and organize her thoughts. This time, however, all she could do was think of was what she was giving up. Everything she knew would come to an end even the relationship she fought so hard, both against and to keep. It had just become good again, and now she would screw it up. The farther she drove from Quantico the more she felt everything she had slip through her fingers. She didn’t want to but she had to. ‘I gotta do this…’ She thought as she kept driving, letting tears fall free.
Two years ago…
The knock on the door was faint, but insistent. She knew who it could be and really she didn’t want to deal with it. She was just about to sleep off all the alcohol she had previously consumed. She knew it was over and she didn’t want to admit it but she hated this part. It was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, and she hated herself for it. All that was left between them was goodbye, and she didn’t want to drag that out. But the knocking only got louder.
“Hold on.” Emily said as she unlocked the door and saw a distraught press liaison.
“Why? After everything Emily…why?” JJ said as she walked past her partner. She hated what went down, but she didn’t know what else to do and now she was lost. She wished it was as easy for her as it was for Emily, but letting this go was killing her.
“Don’t… please JJ, not now.” Emily said as she remained by the open door. She hoped that leaving the door open JJ would get that she didn’t want her to stay.
“No… now! Right now. What the hell was that Emily? I mean really?” JJ said as she began to pace in Emily’s apartment. She had spent a lot of time pacing in this apartment; after all they tended to fight a lot, especially lately. “You don’t have to do this. I told you…” JJ said before she was interrupted not only by the loud bang of the door slamming closed.
“I don’t have to do this… really JJ? You left me no choice, you can’t even tell your parents, and all you do is talk about how you want kids and a house and a ‘normal life.’ And the first time I found you with him I figured that is what you wanted? What else was I suppose to think. We were done, and then you went straight to him. And now he came there for you? What else was I suppose to do. I had to cut the ties between us, he wanted you and you wanted what he could offer you. Something…” Emily said as she looked away, only thinking what she couldn’t bear to say. ‘Something I could never give you.’
“No…” JJ started before she looked away, she knew it was partially true and she hated that she wanted it so much.
“I can’t keep doing this JJ… my heart can’t take this anymore.” Emily said as she moved more into her kitchen and grabbed a new glass and poured what was left of the whiskey she had consumed before. “I know you want that, and I… I won’t stand in your way anymore. So go… just go.” Emily said knowing that this was the end.
JJ looked down and began to turn. The look of defeat clear evident in her eyes as she turned to leave. She held onto the tears that were threatening to fall.
As Emily heard the door open and then close, she felt her legs give out and sank to the floor. She felt as if there was nothing left of herself, letting JJ go took all the strength she had.
It took JJ several months to finally figure out what she wanted in life, and it wasn’t that detective… it was Emily. It took JJ another several months to not only gain Emily’s trust again but also to break through the wall she put up to get back to the way they use to be, and now Emily would once again sabotage what they had, but this time there was no way of going back. She knew she shouldn’t but she couldn’t help it. Emily pulled over on the road, and pulled out her cell phone. She sent the text message a half hour later. She had written it several different ways but it came down to two simple words; two words that she knew would not be enough, but said more than any conversation or explanation she could ever give.
JJ felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She didn’t know who it was, but she had a feeling. She could almost feel all the emotion that was consuming her lover. It wasn’t just a text message it was more, it was simple and it was hurting JJ. She knew what this meant…
Emily wasn’t coming back.
“We need to get Garcia.” JJ said as she viciously wiped away the tears that began to fall.
“JJ I told you we…” Elle said as she saw JJ crying. She had no idea why, but she had heard rumors… and this only verified them.
“No we have to get Garcia… NOW!” JJ said as she stared Elle down, making sure she knew she was serious. She saw Elle nod and given into her demand.
One year ago…
JJ saw Emily waiting in her office and closed the door behind herself. They had finally been able to be in a room together without the other members of the BAU. It took several months and several grueling trial and errors on JJ’s part, but she had finally gained almost all the trust she had lost when she chose the detective. It was the worst mistake of her life, and she knew she had a lot to make up for but she didn’t want to waste anymore time.
“ Garcia said you needed to talk to me? Is this about the paperwork, because I swear I got that in a month ago…” Emily started as she noticed that something was different. She could see it in JJ’s eyes.
“No… this is about us. And this is something you need to hear. I miss you… and I want this back and I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that we get back to where we should be.” JJ said, making sure she knew that Emily understood that she meant every word.
‘Whatever it takes…’ JJ thought as she felt the van turn around and go back to Quantico. She refused to let her go again, at least not without one hell of a fight.