FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: NC-17. That gives away some of the content, doesn't it? ::Sigh::
SUMMARY: Natalia needs to make a choice between her past and her future.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on the 12th of May and goes off into its own little world at that point.
DEDICATION: This is dedicated to the memory of badtyler, a great writer and an even better friend.
The knock - pounding, really - at her hotel room door startled Olivia out of a restless sleep. She'd flown in with Rafe that morning and the flight had been delayed by an hour, leading to rushing and stress and general annoyance. She had toyed with the idea of going with Rafe to the funeral but in the end she'd decided it was a bad idea. It wouldn't be fair to Natalia to just appear like that. After all, she'd made it pretty clear she didn't want to talk to her - she wasn't likely to want to see her either.
So why are you even here? she asked herself, and sighed. Hope, she supposed. A hope that had been almost crippled by Natalia's repeated failure to answer her calls, but hope nonetheless.
The pounding came again and Olivia grimaced in annoyance. "It says do not disturb, can't you read?" she yelled irritably.
"Open the door, Olivia."
For a long moment Olivia couldn't move. She half expected to hear her pacemaker beeper going off.
Natalia pounded on the door again. "Open the door now!"
Olivia scrambled off the bed and made her way quickly to the door. Natalia was just getting more and more pissed the longer she left her waiting in the corridor - that wouldn't help matters.
"Uh, hi," Olivia said, with an attempt at a smile, when she finally opened the door. Natalia brushed past her without a word. She was stoney-faced. Olivia searched desperately for some clue as to her mood, but there was no tell-tale expression to latch onto.
"Wow, first a wedding; now a funeral. What religious ceremony are you going to run away from next?"
She'd known - in her mind - that it was the wrong thing to say before she said it. Unfortunately her mind had not thought to inform her mouth. Disgust crept across Natalia's face. "Oh, for God's sake," she spat, contempt in every syllable.
"Sorry," Olivia replied, covering her face with her hands. "That was really...fuck Really stupid. I'm sorry."
A hollow laugh was her reply. "I don't think sorry's going to cover it."
Olivia crossed her arms over her chest. "It was just a bad joke, Natalia-" she began, but Natalia interrupted her.
"Stop playing dumb, it doesn't suit you," she said sharply. "Frank called me. I know."
Olivia's shoulders hunched. "It's not what you think," she said softly. Natalia just shook her head, then made a show of looking round the room.
"Is Frank with you?" she asked.
Olivia frowned at the left-field question. "What? No."
Natalia shrugged. "Oh, it's just someone dragged my son into something that's nothing to do with him because they were trying to manipulate me. Seemed like something he would do."
Olivia's cheeks flushed pink. "I'm not trying to manipulate you!"
Natalia's voice raised to match Olivia's. "What the hell would you call it?"
Olivia couldn't look at Natalia any longer. She turned and stalked over to the window, looking down at the bustling street below. "I don't know," she admitted. "I thought you'd need family with you right now. Real family I mean, the kind that actually loves you no-matter what you do." Tears nipped at her eyes. She wiped at them quickly, angry with herself for having so little self control. "If I'd wanted to manipulate you I'd have turned up at the church," she said.
For a long moment Natalia didn't speak. "I'm glad you didn't," she said, watching the stiff line of Olivia's back bend a little as she leaned forward.
Olivia's eyes fluttered close as misery crashed over her like a wave. Of all the good things she'd ruined in her life, this was surely the one that would live with her forever. "Okay," she said, knowing that there was heartbreak in her voice, but not able to muster up the energy to care.
Silence stretched between them. "How could you?" Natalia said at last, and this time it was her voice that sounded heartbroken.
Olivia shook her head. "I didn't-" she began.
Natalia choked out a humourless laugh. "Oh please."
Olivia turned back to her and crossed the room in two long strides. "Listen to me," she said, grabbing Natalia's hands and refusing to let go, even as the other woman tried to wriggle from her grip. "Please. It's not what you think. Really."
Natalia's cheeks were pink with anger. "Then what is it, huh?"
Olivia released her and scraped her hands through her hair, grimacing. "Look, I was drunk-" she said, but Natalia interrupted again.
"Oh, colour me surprised," she said bitterly. Olivia flushed.
"What does that mean?" she replied, her chin jutting forward.
Natalia laughed. "You know exactly what it means," she said. "This is you all over. The first sign of trouble and you just go off and get drunk. Damn the consequences, right? Just as long as you feel better, who cares who gets hurt!"
Olivia's nostrils flared. "I know more than you ever will about the consequences of drinking," she spat. "And the one who gets hurt is usually yours truly, so don't you dare preach to me Natalia."
Natalia shook her head in disbelief. "Hey, you don't get to be angry!" she yelled. "You're the one who cheated on me!"
Olivia threw her hands in the air. "I didn't fucking cheat on you!"
Natalia snorted in disbelief. "Oh yeah, I get it, I haven't put out yet so you don't owe me anything-"
"No!" Olivia shouted, cutting her off. "I owe you everything, don't you know that?"
Natalia seemed lost for words momentarily, but rallied. "Then why-"
"She kissed me!" Olivia all but screamed, anger and pain and fear written all over her face. "For God's sake Natalia, you of all people should know that when someone kisses you it doesn't have to be mutual. I didn't kiss her back!"
Natalia hesitated. "Frank said-" she began. Olivia laughed, throwing her head back.
"Oh, Frank said did he? Frank fucking hates my guts right now, Natalia. Frank thinks he's going to win you back by following me around waiting for me to make a mistake so he can paint me as the villain. Again. So what, he sees Doris plant one on me when I'm obviously drunk and he calls you up with some story like I'm sleeping with half the town? And you swallow that?"
Natalia's hands were shaking with rage. "Don't do that," she ground out. "Don't you dare make me out to be the bad guy here."
There was a long moment filled with nothing but air forcing its way into their lungs and blood thundering in their ears. Olivia's face was red and her lips were parted as she breathed shallowly, her hands balled into fists at her side. Every muscle was tense, as if she was expecting to have to defend herself from physical blows. Natalia's dark eyes scraped over her from head to foot. She looked good. Really good.
Olivia seemed to realise what was happening a fraction of a second before Natalia did, but it was Natalia who surged forward and claimed the other woman's lips in a brutal, bruising kiss.
"Mmmph!" Olivia's eyes widened, but she had been dreaming of Natalia's lips for too long not to respond, even if the way this was happening felt wrong. This kiss was not about love - it was all frustration, and tension and lust finally unleashed. Natalia was stiff and tense in her arms, still mad from the fight, but much, much too far gone to care.
"You make me so angry," she said as their lips parted briefly.
Olivia's lips twitched and a gleam entered her eye. "Ditto," she breathed.
Natalia growled. "Oh, shut up," she said and kissed her again. This time she slid her hands over Olivia's shoulders, pushing her jacket off and letting it tangle behind her back. Olivia moaned into the kiss as her arms were trapped in the fabric and Natalia pushed her back towards the bed.
"Natalia," Olivia gasped as her knees hit the mattress and she sat down heavily. The other woman loomed over her, all dark hair and clothes and eyes. Olivia flushed at the look of pure, unabashed desire on her face.
"Don't talk," Natalia said, her voice clipped. Her hands trembled only a little as she pushed Olivia back onto the bed. She followed her, straddling her waist and holding her shoulders down. Olivia's pulse was throbbing and Natalia leaned down to kiss the thunder of it as it jumped in her throat.
Olivia squirmed, her hands still strapped behind her back. "Ah!" she gasped as Natalia suddenly bit down - not enough to hurt too much, but enough to leave a mark. Natalia reared up and Olivia could see that her eyes had shaded to black.
"You're mine," Natalia hissed. "No-one else's."
Her heart in her mouth, Olivia closed her eyes and moaned. "I'm yours," she said, and knew that it had been true for a long, long time. Months. Since before the two mommies debacle, before they lived together, before they were best friends. Maybe it had always been true and she had just been waiting all this time to find her.
She felt urgent fingers at the buttons of her shirt and her eyes flickered open. Natalia's lips were set in a thin line, a look of sheer determination etched onto her features. "You don't have to-" Olivia started to say, but was cut off.
"I'm going to," Natalia said. "I've been waiting for you for so long. You're mine and I'm going to have you."
A rush of heat licked over Olivia's skin like wildfire and all she could do was moan. "Oh Jesus, Natalia..." She felt Natalia's lips and tongue on her skin as she pressed desperate, sloppy, open-mouthed kisses all over her neck, her chest, her stomach. Natalia moved around randomly as if she couldn't decide where she wanted to be, as if the expanse of skin revealed when she pushed Olivia's shirt aside was a banquet and she didn't know what to eat first.
Natalia's hands moved from her shoulders and she took advantage of the opportunity to squeeze her arms out from behind her back. She rolled her shoulders gratefully, feeling the tingling that had started up in her arms beginning to ease. She was so pre-occupied with the feeling that for a moment she didn't notice what Natalia's hands were doing. It was only when she felt the rush of cool air against her thighs that she realised that her jeans and underwear had been pushed down to her knees and Natalia was settling down between her legs like she belonged there.
"Oh my God," she muttered as their eyes locked. Natalia smiled slowly and seductively.
"Do you get this excited every time we fight?" she asked smoothly, her eyes flickering down.
Olivia could barely breathe. "Uhm..." she managed to say. "Pretty much."
Natalia grinned. "Is that why we fight about everything?"
Olivia hesitated, then slowly nodded. "I can't help it if you're sexy when you're mad," she said.
"Hmm." Natalia looked sceptical, but then her face cleared, as if she was putting it from her mind and had better things to think about. "You're sexy all the time," she growled, and dipped her head down.
"Wait!" Olivia halted the motion, holding her head back. "You don't have to do this, Natalia," she said. "I...this isn't...I mean, I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything...I-" She swallowed hard. "I'll be okay," she said. "I mean, if you don't want to...I don't need-"
Natalia stared up at her with incredulous eyes. "Dear God, would you just shut up and let me eat your pussy?"
Olivia flushed, and so did Natalia, neither of them quite able to believe that she'd just said that. Nevertheless, her words had the desired effect. Olivia's hands relaxed and didn't attempt to stop her as she bent down and flicked her tongue out to taste her lover.
"Oh fuck," Olivia ground out, burying her hands in Natalia's hair, curling her fingers round the back of her head. Distantly she heard Natalia's answering moan, but it was indistinct, like she was hearing it from underwater. Her stomach clenched as her lover's flickering tongue caressed her - a little uncertainly, a little hesitantly, but that didn't matter because she'd been on the edge for what felt like forever and this was going to be quick. Embarrassingly quick.
"Oh God, Natalia," she moaned, instinctively rolling her hips against her lover's delicious, intoxicating mouth. Her eyes flickered down. I've got Saint Natalia fucking Rivera's head between my legs, she thought deliriously as their eyes locked.
She lasted a lot longer than she thought she would - at least a minute - but when Natalia pursed her lips and sucked just a little she couldn't suppress a sob. Her hands pulled her lover's head closer while her hips thrust forward of their own accord and she came, Natalia's name on her lips.
Every muscle in her body tensed for an endless moment and then the wave broke and she fell bonelessly to the bed. Natalia raised her head and the vision of her licking her lips and wiping at her wet chin with the back of her hand nearly set Olivia off again. "Oh my God," she muttered. "Oh Natalia, I love you. I love you so fucking much."
Natalia crawled up the bed, and Olivia realised that the dark slacks she'd been wearing when she came in were now lying in a heap on the floor. "Show me," her lover said breathlessly, taking Olivia's hand and guiding it between her legs.
Natalia was warm and very, very wet. Olivia slipped two fingers inside easily and Natalia moaned, desperation written all over her face. "Oh God yes," she breathed, grinding herself down onto Olivia's thrusting fingers. She planted her hands on either side of Olivia's head, gazing down at her with flushed cheeks.
"Kiss me," Olivia said. "Please." Natalia's eyes fluttered closed as she leaned down. Olivia could taste herself on Natalia's swollen lips, but this kiss was slow, and deep and tender. She gasped when Natalia broke away, her face contorted with need.
"Fuck me, Olivia, please..." she whispered. "I need you. I love you, please...please..."
Olivia combed the fingers of her free hand through Natalia's hair as she thrust deeper and ground the heel of her palm against Natalia's clit. Her wrist ached from the angle and from the strength of Natalia's bucking hips but she didn't care. Natalia could break her arm for all she cared, she could break every bone in her body, as long as she got to make her come and watch that lovely face as it happened.
And she did get to do that, much more quickly than she'd thought she would, because of course Natalia had been dying for this too and denying it, which had only made it more potent and devastating when it was finally set free.
A wave of love and devotion like nothing she'd ever felt washed over Olivia as Natalia's muscles clenched against her fingers. Her face cleared suddenly and she held her breath. Olivia had the strangest feeling that Natalia had gone to some wonderful, otherworldly place for a moment, but then she came crashing back to reality and crashing down on top of her, breathing deeply through her nose and crushing her in a sweaty, desperate hug. Olivia trailed kisses over her brow, tasting the salt on her skin.
"Oh my God..." Natalia was whispering, as if to herself. "Oh my God..."
Olivia wrapped herself around Natalia, arms and legs tangling together as she held her tight. It should have been painful, such was the strength and intensity of the embrace, but it wasn't. It was perfect.
She closed her eyes. She had planned that their first time together would be gentle and tender, in a candle-strewn bedroom after a night of unparalleled romance. But then, Natalia had always taken her by surprise.
And maybe this actually made more sense for them. Two women who'd fought each other, the world, and themselves to get to this point, and whose love had begun in a graveyard, with a scream.
A/N - Natalia biting Olivia is for shay - she totally would be hot as a vampire. Also, Natalia's potty mouth? It's not just for shock value, I promise; I'm planning on doing something with that. It seems out of character because it is - but it's deliberate.