Snuff (snuffnyc) wrote in passion_perfect,

FIC: The Lost

Title: The Lost
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: R to NC-17

Notes: PLEASE READ This is a dark, angst-filled story with ADULT themes. It is not graphically violent or gratuitous in nature, but it can be quite dark. For those of you who read and enjoyed "Whatever It Takes," this story takes place shortly after. Completely different tone, though, so be prepared. If you haven't read WIT, it's not necessary but it is helpful.

I'm not 100% sure, but I feel like this is entirely new territory for Olivia & Natalia. Your comments are greatly appreciated.

ETA: Thanks for the immense outpouring of support for this story. I was nervous, I'll admit, but you've been amazingly insightful and supportive. Thank you x1000.

Chapter One
Chapter Two (NC-17)
Chapter Three

Chapter Four

NOTE: Thought we'd have a little fun with this chapter, to lighten the mood a little. :)

When Natalia breezed back through the lobby area, a rush of wind following her inside, she turned the head of every single person in the room. She had pulled on a pair of sunglasses while she was out in the parking lot, and she quickly flipped them up onto her head and into her shimmering dark hair. Her heels hit the floor with a commanding snap, and her movements were direct but graceful. Natalia, being Natalia, didn't seem to notice the eyes on her, but Olivia, being Olivia, certainly did. She smiled at the other woman.

"This place is crawling with celebrities and senators, and you still manage to leave their jaws on the floor. Whatever's gotten into you, I like it," she said out of the side of her mouth. She reached for the small overnight bag on Natalia's shoulder and slung it over her own.

Natalia looked around, eyes wide. "I don't see any celebrities," she whispered.

Olivia just shook her head and fought back a smile. They walked back through the complex, and Olivia jiggled the back in her arms. "So what's all this? Was it your plan all along to stay out here with me for the night?"

"I was hoping it might work out that way, yes," Natalia looked at Olivia a little sheepishly. "I've just missed you so much." She stopped midstride, and Olivia pulled up short a few feet beyond. "You do know that, don't you?"

Olivia turned to look at her. "Yeah, I mean... yeah. I figured once some of the anger wore off, you'd..."

Natalia continued walking, and Olivia fell back in step with her. "I was never mad at you, Olivia."

"Not even a little?"

"I was hurt, and confused, and scared... but never mad at you. And I did miss you. I missed being near you," her voice had shrunk nearly to a whisper, and when they had traversed the grassy courtyard, Natalia was silenced by the view.

Stone steps lay in front of them, a winding, spindly trail down the cliffs to the beach. From above they could see the rocky formations that sheltered the strip of sand below, cupping it like two ancient giant hands, enveloping it in stillness and tranquility.

"This is amazing," Natalia sighed.

Olivia closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, taking in the now-familiar scent of the salty ocean. The afternoon sun dueled with the wind, making her skin feel alternately cold and warm. "When I stood here for the first time I knew I had to get better so I could share this with you. I finally understood."

She felt Natalia's hand fold into her own, and she squeezed lightly.

"There's so much we've never done together. So many things we've never shared. I'm not going to give my life over to this addiction, to this disease," she turned to face Natalia. "Can you give me another chance?"

A whimper snuck out of Natalia's throat, as her lower lip appeared in a pouty smile. "You gave me another one, didn't you? How fair would it be if I didn't?"

Olivia bared her teeth in skeptical wince. "Ehh, not sure if this is the same kinda thing..."

Natalia tugged at the sides of Olivia's linen shirt. "I'm not losing you too." She tried to smile, but sadness appeared in the lines that creased Natalia's face. Olivia forced herself to look, to see the loss and the pain there. But she found that the longer she looked, the more she saw only hope.

"No way you're making it down these steps in those heels," Olivia tilted her head to the treacherous-looking cliff.

Using one hand to steady herself against Olivia's shoulder, Natalia popped the shoes off and held them up with two fingers. "I'm not afraid to get a little dirty!" she teased.

"Yes you are." Olivia said flatly, taking her hand as they gingerly picked their way down the stairs.

Natalia squealed at a bug that ran past her bare feet. "Okay, maybe a little."


The two women walked barefoot through the sand until they reached the tiny cottage set back against the cliffs that loomed above them. It was weathered on the outside from the salty air and stiff winds, but on the inside it was all understated luxury. Olivia set the key on a table by the door, and slid only the screen door shut behind her, so that the sounds of the gently rolling ocean filled the room.

"Um, let's just move here," Natalia frowned as she looked around. "I mean, it's kind of a dump, but I think we could make it work."

Olivia's chest shook with a laugh. "Yeah, and the view sucks. I bet we can't even get cable down here."

Natalia bare and sandy feet wriggled against the tile floor. "I'm going to change," she stepped into the bathroom and let out a gasp. Olivia guessed that it too was immaculate and perfect. "I'll be just a second."

Even from outside on the cabin's tiny porch, Olivia could hear Natalia inside spouting excited yelps as she uncovered the cottage's varied amenities. A few minutes later, she appeared in a pale yellow sundress, her hair tied back and a blanket in her arms. The color of her dress and shadow from the awning made her skin look even darker, almost caramel.

"I suppose you want me to scoot over," Olivia pretended to be annoyed.

"I suppose I do," Natalia shooed her with her hand, and curled onto the oversize wooden rocking chair against Olivia's body. The breeze was cool, and until the sun set a little more, they were in total shade, so she pulled the blanket over her legs and draped the rest over the other woman. "This is nice."

Olivia simply hummed a gentle response, and held Natalia a little tighter. One finger lazily traced a trail across Natalia's skin, against each finger, the veins on the back of her hand, the crook of her elbow. "You're so beautiful. You've come back even stronger than you were before Isabella. A freakin' superhero for sure."

The younger woman nuzzled her face in Olivia's neck. "I'm nothing special. Just a woman. Just a mom. Just your wife. That's enough for me."

"Is it?" Olivia had wondered about the answer to that question many a night.

"Mmmhmm," Natalia nodded, her hair tickling Olivia's chin. "I believe that everyone has just one-hundred percent to give. Can't do it all. Can't give everything to your kids, and everything to work, and everything to building a life and a home. So you make choices. Prioritize. And I love my life. I love our home, and raising Emma, and cooking dinner for the family--"

"That's my little woman," Olivia joked.

Natalia pinched her hard in the belly. Olivia let out a wail, but Natalia kept on. "See, I knew you were going to make a joke. But I'm serious. It's what I've always wanted, and you guys need me at home. Everyone likes to feel needed, to feel like they're good at what they do."

"But weren't you the one having an argument with me about turning into a Stepford wife just a few months ago? Launching your coat around the living room like it was a torpedo?" Olivia cocked an eyebrow when Natalia looked innocently up at her.

"Well things change. We change. And Emma... Emma needs that stability."

The words felt like a knife to Olivia's heart, but she needed to hear them. Natalia was right; after all, Olivia herself had thrown those words out when Natalia left town and suddenly came back. "You're right, and thank you for being... such a great mother to our daughter." A sob made its way up Olivia's throat.

Natalia pulled closer the body against her. "You're a great mom, too, Olivia. You will be again. You just needed to take care of you for a little while. Emma will understand that. It might take a little while, but she will."

Olivia simply nodded and closed her eyes. The sounds of the waves breaking and the wind whistling through tiny crevices in the rocks played out like a symphony, lulling them both to sleep. But before she drifted off, she made sure to say the words she hoped to repeat a million times more in her lifetime. "I love you, Natalia."


Sunset was just a few minutes away when Olivia was awoken by the the last rays of the day, beating against the wood frame cottage. She squinted a few times to collect herself, and then she shook Natalia awake.

"Hey, wake up. You're going to miss it," Olivia spoke softly to the sleeping woman pressed against her chest. When that failed, she pondered a different tactic. "Okay, stay asleep. I'm just gonna go take my sandy feet and put them in the bedsheets, and then I'm going to put my fingerprints all over every mirror in the--"

Natalia groaned and stretched an arm out towards the sea. "What? Why would you do that?"

"I knew that'd wake you. Check out the sunset."

Untangling herself from Olivia's arms, Natalia stretched some more, and Olivia found herself taking in more of the view of her wife, and less of the setting sun.

"Knock it off, you," Natalia stated plainly.

Olivia's head jerked back to the front, and she smiled shamelessly at the orange sky. A few minutes of silence later, and the sun disappeared like a blown out match.

"That was my first sunset, I think," Natalia grinned lazily, still staring at the ocean.


Natalia nodded. "I mean, I've seen the sun set before. Over Springfield. In Chicago. But never like this. Not where you get to see it... all the way."

Where Natalia sat on the edge of her seat, leaning forward with her chin in her hands, Olivia slid in behind her and pulled her back to her. "Well I'm glad I could share it with you."

Natalia giggled into her hands.

"What?" Olivia put her nose close to Natalia's cheek, and took in the faintly sweet smell of the woman she missed so much.

She slipped out of Olivia's grasp and stood up, only to turn around and put her legs on either side of the other woman, straddling her lap. Her voice was husky but tinged with humor. "You don't mind being my first?"

Olivia's eyes went wide, and her breath whistled through her clenched teeth. "Mind? Oh no, no, noooo, I don't mind at all."

"Good," Natalia purred, fidgeting against Olivia's thighs in deliberate circles. "Because it's been so long--"

"Too long."

"--that I hope I haven't forgotten how to touch you. I might need some practice," she leaned in and captured Olivia's lips in a kiss, her tongue pressing hard and urgent against Olivia's waiting mouth. "I might need some... instruction."

Olivia had to let out a laugh. "Who are you? This tight little body, this naughty little--"

Natalia interrupted her, her brow wrinkled. "You don't like it?" Her bottom lip jutted out, begging Olivia to take it in her mouth. So she did, and Natalia's soft moans vibrated between the two of them.

"I do, I do. You're so... I feel like I could just throw you around," Olivia stopped, looking for a reaction from the woman above her. When Natalia nodded excitedly, her teeth biting at her lips, Olivia laughed again. "And that ass?" Natalia covered her face in embarrassment. "I've never loved yoga more in my life."

The two woman laughed and teased and kissed, roughly and sloppily and neatly and gently.

Olivia continued. "No, I'm serious. I'm buying stock in yoga. Can you do that? I want to do that," she smiled as Natalia giggled some more. "I'm dead serious. Did you rent a DVD or something? Jesus, buy all the copies. I want every last one if that's what made you look so fucking sexy."

"Watch your mouth," Natalia pinched Olivia's lips with her fingertips. "No, I'll watch it for you."

Behind them the waves crashed against the shore and the sun's absence made the wind feel colder. "You wanna go inside?" Olivia asked, seeing the goosebumps peppered across Natalia's skin.

"In a minute," she replied. "I'm just enjoying the view." She held Olivia's face in her hands, her thumbs grazing the other woman's cheeks and lips. "You've been going on and on about me, but all I can think about is you. California... the whole vibe, you know? It suits you."

Olivia frowned. "What's that mean?"

"It means..." Natalia sighed. "This relaxed side of you. The jeans. The wild hair. Barely any makeup. You look so... free. It's been a long time since I've seen you like that. It's... bare and raw and... I love it. I love you. I love that you look like you again! I love that when I look into those bright green eyes, I can tell what you're thinking again."

Tossing her head from side to side, Olivia narrowed those green eyes just a bit. "Can you tell what I'm thinking now?"

Natalia pressed her lips flat in disapproval. "Yes, and it's terrible, and it's dirty, and let's go inside and try it right now."


Olivia waited until the shower had been running for a good five minutes before she snuck into the bathroom. The room was full of steam and tiny droplets of water streaked the glass shower door, giving Natalia's naked figure a dreamy, surreal appearance. Olivia saw her head turn in the shower.

"Oh my goodness, you scared me!"

Olivia slid out of her jeans and undid the buttons of her shirt. "Oh my goodness," she teased. "Good to see some things never change."

"I could say the same about you! You're still the same..." Natalia stopped when Olivia appeared in the frame of the open shower door. "What? Olivia, what is it?"

The other woman stood there, stark naked and frozen mid-step. "It's just that... the last time I saw you... like this... you were," Olivia finally managed to nod her head. "You know."

It was a travesty of the highest order, in Olivia's objective mind, that the image of her lover naked, wet and inviting, could conjure up anything less than earth-shattering arousal. The fact that it made her insides jump was of little comfort. It was an unsettling feeling.

And Natalia understood. "Come here," Natalia ordered gently. She reached out and pulled Olivia close, until the warm water fell all around her, pressing her brown hair down flat against her head. In her eyes. Everywhere, all Olivia could see was water and darkness. Until Natalia's careful fingers brushed the hair back from her face, and her body blocked the onslaught of water. "It's okay if it still hurts. It still hurts me too. But we--"

Olivia didn't wait for Natalia to finish. Instead she pulled her in for a bruising kiss, their bodies meeting in a slippery fit of passion. She drove Natalia back against the tile wall with a thud, and Olivia moaned an apology into her mouth. They volleyed back and forth for a few moments, pushing and pulling, giving in and taking over. But Natalia kept advancing, even when the spray of water threatened to drown them both.

"I want to show you how alive you are," she panted, water running down between them. Olivia felt Natalia's hands all over body, everywhere at once, and coupled with the hot steam it made her dizzy. She reached for the first solid wall she could find to steady herself.

Mouth and hands made their way to Olivia's breasts, and she let out a deep, long-awaited sigh. Thinking back to their earlier conversation, Olivia smiled. "Haven't forgotten... a thing... I see."

Natalia laughed into the crook of the other woman's neck. "It's coming back to me."

Her hands grasped at Olivia's hips, and Natalia slid down to her knees, every inch of the way making sure they stayed skin-to-skin. Olivia had a fleeting thought about water and electricity, and prayed to no one in particular that she wouldn't combust. But as Natalia knelt before her, her tongue laying waste to every last shred of her resolve, Olivia could've sworn she saw God, and Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny. By the time Natalia was through with her, Olivia could barely stand.

When Olivia insisted she couldn't be satisfied any further, Natalia slinked away demurely, leaving a trail of wet footprints leading to the bed. Olivia simply admired the view and remarked on her good fortune, turned the shower off and joined her.

"Proud of yourself?" Olivia's voice was hoarse.

Natalia slid into the cool sheets. "A little."

She climbed in next to Natalia and propped herself up on her elbow. "How much did you miss me?" Olivia's tone was dark and smoky.

"A lot."

She shook her head. "You can do better than that."

Natalia's naked body squirmed against Olivia's. "The bed was cold without you..."

"And?" Olivia dipped down and began licking at the stray droplets of water that remained on Natalia's skin. She could feel her shudder from the contact.

"And, hmm... I had no one to warm me up?"

"Better," she whispered, snaking her tongue out against the throbbing pulse at Natalia's neck. "Did you think of me... while you were in bed at night?"

Olivia felt rather than saw a flush come over Natalia's exposed body. "Olivia..."

"Mmm, interesting. Now you're shy?" She laughed deliberately just as her mouth hovered over her breast. She knew what her hot breath on cool skin would do to Natalia.

And it worked, sending the other woman into back-arching moans. "Not shy... just, modest."


"You like that I'm a lady," Natalia managed before Olivia's gentle nipping sent her groaning for mercy.

"Yeah, you were very lady-like about five minutes ago when you were--"

A frustrated Natalia slapped at her thigh. "Olivia, dammit..."

"Ah-ha-ha. I got Saint Natalia to swear. Wonder what else you'll do with a little... prodding." Olivia repositioned herself so that she was lying between Natalia's legs, and she peered up at her with an impish grin. "Tell me about what you do when you're all alone."

When Natalia stubbornly remained quiet, Olivia took one pass at her with her tongue wide and flat.

"Oh Jesus," Natalia smacked her hands against the sheets.

Olivia breathed another laugh into Natalia's skin. "I'm listening." Another swipe of the tongue, a little slower this time.

Then Natalia resorted to a tactic Olivia suspected she would try. She whimpered. And pouted. "This isn't fair. You... I haven't had you... in so long... and this... is what you do to me?"

It was Olivia's turn to be unresponsive. Instead she just kept on with her infuriating pattern, a slow and steady rhythm of torture. When she sensed that Natalia was on the verge of giving up, she took a long, languid suck at the other woman's most sensitive skin, and Natalia arched back so hard she almost sat straight up.

"Oh fuck, Olivia," Natalia's tone sounded like a rabid mix of schoolyard scolding and uncontrollable desire. "I curl up under the sheets and I touch myself, and I miss you, and I pretend that it's you, but it's never the same, because I can only come when you fuck me."

If ever Olivia had made a greater miscalculation, she surely couldn't remember it. Natalia's lusty admission had sent her own body into fits, and it was all she could to try and recall why she'd coaxed it out of her in the first place. But with her hands, and her mouth, and the very breath in her body, Olivia tried desperately to show Natalia just how much she loved her, and missed her, and needed her. She held her like a partner, revered her like a wife, and pleasured her like her lover. And when Natalia's breath finally slowed, and tears welled in Olivia's eyes, she let them fall.
Tags: guiding light

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